Eighty-first Passage

It's been a long time since I posted quotes! Enjoy.

Lydia just found a pair of scissors and held them close to her face and said, "never, ever, cut your hair."
At least she listens. But boy does that make me nervous.

As I was clipping Morgan's toenails, he said: sometimes I put boogers on my toenails. That was one right there.
Me: what?! Morgan, that's disgusting. Why would you do that?
Morgan: well, I have no where else to put them.
William: yuhhuh, you could put them on your clothes; that's what I do. 

Lydia: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Lydia: tutu!
Me: tutu who?
Lydia: because.

Morgan has a neighborhood friend his age. He was playing here. This was their conversation.
Joey: how did you know that?
Morgan: I just read it.
Joey: you can read?!
Morgan: yeah.
Joey: are you a scientist??

Lydia put a tutu on to dance. Then she turned and tried to see her bum. She said, "my butt! I can't find my butt!" as she frantically tried to lift all the ruffles of her tutu.

We were at Walmart. A very large man was in the aisle with us. Lydia saw him and waited until he was nice and close. Then she pointed at him and said, "oooh, a big one!" and because I was trying not to draw attention to it or her, she felt I didn't hear so repeated louder, "look mommy, a big one!" face palm.

William: why does it smell like bad breath over here?
Owen: because Morgan. He was farting so the bad breath went into him and me.

Owen: Do you know where tomorrow is? It's a state. It's where the moon is.

Morgan: Mommy, I made up a joke! Who is afraid to read?
Me: Umm...frogs.
Morgan: Nope, Barack Obama! It's a joke! A funny lie.

Morgan: whenever you see a baby you should look on its back to see if it's a devil baby, a good baby, or a normal baby.
Me: what?!
Morgan: oh, did you hear that? I looked it up in a magazine with Owen. He calls it devil baby magazine.

Morgan: "when I grow up if I get a wife, I wanna work away lots at a work building so she won't have to hear all of my loudness."

Owen just pointed at a Mexican man and said with a chuckle, "Look at that brown boy. He looks like a gardener."

Morgan breaks open his fortune cookie to read it aloud. "You will always be tortured by good friends." 

I think he confused the word "surrounded" with "tortured".

William: "what's that wood in the road?"
David: "it's probably just something that fell out of the back of a pickup or something."
Morgan: "are they littering the world?"
David: "sounds like someone has been listening to too much propaganda."