Lydia came up to me in the kitchen.
Lydia: I'm too scared, mommy.
Me: scared of what?
Lydia: going into spider webs. I will die!
Lydia: I got that ball for my birthday.
Owen: your birthday? You've never had a birthday when you
were with us; except your three year old birthday, and your two year old
birthday.
That doesn't leave a whole lot left...
Lydia: mommy, spiders eats bug. They're yummy.
Lydia:
mommy, I just like lotion. I like to lick it! It's yummy.
Me: lotion?!
No, it's not yummy.
Lydia: Mmm-hmm!
It's 'liscious!
The boys asked what a mule was so I was showing them a
picture of one. Then Lydia came up and saw the picture and cracked up laughing
and said, "it's a horse-donkey!!"
How did she know?
Lydia: I love otter pops! It's my favorite fruit.
Morgan: You know that commandment that "you shall never
kill men?" Well, I was going to grow up and be a super hero, and have a
cool costume with spikes all over it, but then I remembered the rule about
"you shall never kill men" and so I decided I wouldn't be a super
hero.
Morgan was telling me about his dream of an erupting volcano
while we were camping and he said, "I looked back and thought I would see
pyroclastic flow coming out, but it was just smoke."
Me:
pyrocastic...?
Morgan:
pyroclastic flow. It's mud stuff that comes out of a volcano.
Huh. So it
is.
Owen:
William, is that your zero-th page?
Through his
tears William yelled, "stop saying I'm not dumb! It hurts my
feelings!"
Ugh. It's
not been a good morning.
Morgan: I
think Satan was trying to force me to take one of those chocolate balls that
were from Easter that are on the counter, because I really wanted to just take
one, so I think it was Satan trying to force me to.
Lydia:
knock-knock
Morgan:
who's there?
Lydia:
butt-kickin' bottom.
Morgan:
butt-kickin' bottom who?
Lydia:
Pooping in the toilet!
So much for
having a delicate little girl...
Speaking of
Allison,
Me: I need
to change her bum.
Morgan:
Change her bum? How do you change her bum? Do you have a different butt to put
on her?
Now where
would Morgan have learned such sarcasm??
Lydia:
Morgan, after I get 4, I will get bigger, then I will make a rocket! Mommy
knows how!
The real
ditty: deadman, deadman, come alive, by the time we count to five. 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, you're alive!
Lydia's
version: deadman, deadman, come alive, for the winter out your eyes. 1,2,3,4,5,
out your eyes!
William was
describing something from the bathroom to me as "the angel hat
thingy". I laughed when I figured out what he was talking about.
William: why
aren't you smacking us?
Me: because
I have self control.
William:
hmm, what's that??
That
explains so much...
The boys are
a little bitter about Iowa existing since it means daddy has to go there for
business trips.
William said
he's going to destroy Iowa, them Morgan said, "when I'm an adult I'm going
to go to Iowa and dig it out with a back hoe all the way to the ocean. I'm
going to turn Iowa into a lake!"
We finished
reading The Bridge to Terabithia today, so we watched the movie. Morgan stopped
watching it early because he didn't want to see the sad part. And now he keeps
saying he regrets hearing the book and seeing the movie, and even thinking
about it almost makes him cry.
I heard this
conversation about it.
William:
after Leslie died I had to go outside sometimes so nobody would know I was
crying.
Morgan: you
just told everybody...
William: oh
yeah!
Me: Lydia,
pull the drain plug.
Lydia: I
can't.
She puts
both hands up and looks at her palms mournfully (think the big rock giant from
The Never Ending Story)
Lydia: I
have little hands.
Morgan:
mommy's are called masters of the house, and daddy's are called the protectors.
That's just how it is.
Lydia asked
if she could watch a movie. Since she's already spent too much time today doing
just that, I suggested she find something else to do. Lydia got off the couch
and stomped out if the room and shouted, "I am very MAD! I want Jesus to
be sad!"
Goodness
gracious, child. At least she knows it makes Jesus sad when we make bad
choices?
Lydia: mommy,
I hurt my finger! And it didn't hurt.
William:
when I grow up in going to choose to be a super hero.
Morgan: uh,
the Bible and The Book of Mormon say we can't murder, and super heroes kill the
bad guys.
Me: do you
need to go to the bathroom since you just woke up?
Lydia: no.
But grandma Nelson do. And grandpa Martin.
William just
accidentally called Lydia "William". How does that happen? Lol!
Morgan has
been very grouchy all morning. Lydia said:
Morgan very
rude! We need to take Morgan to the policeman!
The boys
were playing baseball in the front yard. They came inside all excited, with two
full sized kit kats and a package of peanut butter crackers and told me a story
about a bus driver giving them the treats.
Me: didn't
your mother ever tell you not to take candy from strangers?
Owen: bus
drivers aren't strangers.
Lydia: yeah,
it's like the magic school bus!
Owen: mommy,
I know something. Sometimes our tummies just faint.
David:
you're eyes look like a crack cocain user. You look like you smoke aids.
William:
Mommy, is the 4th of July in June?
Me: Owen,
you know what I noticed about you? You keep not doing your school.
Owen: you
know what I noticed about you? You're cleaning.
Uh,
touché...?
David was
giving the older boys some multiplication problems for fun, so Lydia asked me
to give her a number. I asked, "what's 1+2?" She said, "a bad
word."
Lydia's
dialogue as she sits on the toilet. "Oh, that was a big poop! Ah! I don't
want somebody to see me naked! I'm not naked, I'm wearing a shirt, not pants or
underwears. Mimi, come on. It's all gone. Hum hum hum."
Alli was
whining so I said, what's the matter? What do you want?
Lydia: I
think so he wants to go camping.
Me, in a
singing voice: I love my baby, yes I do...
Lydia cuts
in with a very enthusiastic song and finishes up: I love your baby tooooo!
We got back
from church and Owen asked the question: what is an incestor?
After some
mental shock I did some quick thinking and answered. "Ancestor! Aaaann.
It's your grandparents and great grandparents and their parents and on and on.
Make sure you say ancestor."
Lydia just
came inside and said, "mommy, also, you're my husband."
Driving down
the road Lydia said, "look mommy, I see a ribbon right there!"
Me: what's a
ribbon?
Lydia: a
water snake.
William:
mommy wanna hear something funny? I asked Morgan where Jesus was born and he
was like "I don't know" and I was like "really? It's
Abraham!" And Morgan didn't even know.
Me: wait,
are you being serious?
William:
yeah.
Me: Abraham
was a prophet.
William: oh.
Then where was He born?
Me:
Bethlehem.
William: no,
what state?
Me: he
wasn't born in America. He was born in Israel. There weren't any states back
then.
Making fun
of Morgan sure backfired.
Me: laundry!
Ugh, I hate laundry.
Lydia: you
should eat laundry.
Lydia:
mommy, I ate a little tiny eraser and I didn't die!
Lydia:
mommy, we have bones! And we have braaiiins!
Lydia:
mommy, can I have one of these? (She picks up the bottle of tums from my bed
stand).
Me: no,
those are for my heartburn.
Lydia: my
heart is burned too.
Morgan:
what's an anniversary?
William: an
anniversary is when you celebrate the day you got marinated.
Me: we get
to go get daddy from the airport tomorrow.
Lydia:
eeeeeee!! It's going to be amazing!
Lydia: daddy's
parents were married. His parents. And your parents were married too. And
you're married. When I grow up, I'm going to be a husband also.
Morgan:
daddy, can we get the cartoon movie of 101 damnations?
Lydia came
inside from the backyard all excited.
Lydia:
mommy, I peed in the grass!
Me: what?
How? That's not okay, you can't do that.
Lydia: but
Morgan always does it...
Owen: mommy,
don't you think I'm kind of like Rafael?
Me: like
Rafael?
Owen: yeah.
He's mean.
Lydia:
mommy, Owen's going to tell on meeee! I don't like telling.
Lydia:
mommy, I always love you.
Me: I always
love you, too. Know who else I always love?
Lydia: yeah.
Me: who?
Lydia: food.
Lydia: mommy
remember that last time I pooped on a hippo?
Me: what?!?
Lydia: I
pooped on a hippo.
Me: Lydia,
you didn't poop on a hippo.
Lydia: yes I
did. A live hippo.
Me: you
never pooped on a live hippo, silly.
Lydia: I
pooped on a live elephant.
Lydia and I
were talking about the new baby coming.
Lydia: it's
going to be a boy, and I'm going to call her Abby.
