Dear
Pregnant Mother,
You
have life growing inside of you. Isn’t it weird to think about? Without any
effort on our parts, we can nourish, protect, and grow a life inside of us. I’m guessing that as amazing as that sounds, it
really doesn’t feel amazing. You
don’t feel amazing. I never do. I feel tired. Oh, so tired! The nausea,
heartburn, grumpiness, etc. might make for very un-amazing feelings.
Do you
also feel unprepared? You may have dreamed of this moment, but now that it’s
come you feel the weight of the responsibility resting on you. Maybe you’ve
dreamed of this moment, but it came at the wrong time. Perhaps you’ve never
dreamed of this moment at all, but it’s here anyway. A baby is a big deal. Your
body will change and maybe never be the same again. Being a mother can be a
life-long change. It’s scary, being a pregnant mother. We don’t usually feel
like a mother right at first since the only noticeable changes are fatigue,
morning sickness, or maybe nothing. But we are mothers the moment we conceive
because the moment we conceive a baby starts to form.
I’ve
had these scary, unprepared, excited, magical feelings eight times. I’ve
conceived eight babies but I only have three children. My body isn’t very good
at providing my babies with what they need to grow and live, as much as I want
to provide that. Mothers instinctively want to do anything and everything to
protect and provide for their young. Babies are so dependent upon us; they need
us for everything: food, shelter,
warmth, cleanliness, love, both inside the womb and out. It’s a big job, but
when we do it, nothing can cause more fulfillment.
The
last time I conceived a child I had an early ultra-sound. At only 7 weeks
gestation the baby inside of me had a strong heartbeat. He was growing right on
schedule and everything looked great.
Just a month later, at 11 weeks, I had another
ultrasound. It was immediately clear that the baby had grown. Did you know that
the ability to grow and change is a defining attribute of life? If it grows and
changes it is considered alive; from plants, to animals, to bacteria. My baby
was thriving in his short life. I had to smile as his little arms and legs
kicked and squirmed during the ultra-sound. The tech had a hard time getting a
heartbeat (which was once again healthy) because he was so active. I couldn’t
feel him, but he could feel the pressure of the ultrasound wand and was
reacting to it. Have you had the chance to see your baby yet? I’d say that is
another life changing experience: to see the tiny life inside of you. You may
not feel it yet, but there it is.
At
thirteen weeks I had another appointment. When my doctor was unable to get a
heartbeat on the Doppler I was sent for another ultrasound. This time, though
my baby had grown, he was not moving. There was no fluttering heartbeat. He had
died. We use the heartbeat to measure life in people. When the heart stops
beating we are pronounced dead. The same goes with a baby in the womb. He was
alive for thirteen weeks. He had a heartbeat. He grew and changed. I don’t know
why his heart stopped beating, but it did, which caused his death. I like to think that it was a painless death,
but it’s possible that he felt the fear and pain associated with a failing
body.
I hope
you never have to experience the death of your child. Even at this early stage
the death of your baby is real and heartbreaking. You will feel the grief. I hope
that the baby you are protecting within you will continue to grow and thrive. I
hope you get to feel the fulfillment of knowing that because of you a new
person was able to form and have life. Because of your shelter, nourishment,
and protection your child can live.
I
delivered this baby a couple of weeks after the ultrasound. Did you know that
at only thirteen weeks your baby will have all of his or her fingers and toes?
My baby was tiny but already clearly a human child. He was only forming for
three months but he already had gender; identity. My baby wasn’t ready to be born yet. His body
still needed the life-giving miracle that can only be received inside the womb
of his mother. Chances are that your
body will be able to give that to your baby. He needs you. She needs you. You
might choose to be the mother for just the important first nine months when
only you can provide your baby with what he or she needs. Maybe another mother
will take over with the care and protection and love after that, and that’s
fine. You can still feel the fulfillment of knowing you gave that precious baby
the gift of life. You can choose life over death. What a wonderful choice! What a wonderful
gift that only a mother can give.
So, Expectant
Mother, good luck. I know it can be tiring, painful, and frightening, but know
that it can also be amazing, magical, and incredibly fulfilling. Being a mother
is a gift. Please give that gift.
Sincerely,
A
Mother
