153rd Passsage

After I called Alli a pretty girl, Lydia said: wait a minute, are me and Alli pretty?

Me: yep

Lydia: oh, well, I look prettier.

William: can I go to Jupiter's house?

Me: whose?

William: jupiter. I don't really remember his name.

Me: Jupiter is a planet.

William: fine, I'll just say, can I go to Billy's house?

(Billy is JARED's little brother)

Me: yes, but you should probably ask your friend what his name is so you don't do something like call him Jupiter.

Lydia: what day is tomorrow?

Me: Sunday

Lydia: Sunday was a few weeks ago!

Owen: Morgan, I dare you the next time we have fire I dare you to eat the fire.

Me: I'm so tired and energy lacking.

Lydia: well you can go night night when you're done. But first you gotta get me a piece of cake.

William was making a healthy meal plan thing for a Cub Scout requirement. He chose chicken for a main dish.

Me: what kind of chicken?

William: pork?

Me: CHICKEN. what kind of CHICKEN?

William: beef.

Me: William, what is chicken made from?

William: turkeys?

I bought Popsicles for the kids. Owen chose a yellow one.

Owen: this smells like banana; is it mustard?

Lydia looked over Morgan shoulder as he was looking at flash cards if bugs. She saw a praying mantis and said, "that's a hypocrite". Maybe she knows something about the mantis that I don't know.

Owen: my long fingernails meant everything to me.

Me: what is soil?

Owen: gray stuff that you can pretty much build anything out of.

David: say dada

Alli: dada

David: mama

Alli: mama

David: say grumpy old man

Alli: dada

Owen: can I have a donut now?

Me: yeah.

A few seconds later. Owen: can I have a donut now since you said "yeah"?

Me: put that gross thing down...

Lydia: no! It's not gross, it's my pet fly.

Today for school Owen was supposed to write a poem. He's been learning about it the past few days. Or has he?

This is his poem, titled "those".

Those tose nose lose those tose nose lose Those tose nose lose those tose nose lose Those tose nose lose those tose nose lose

And that's it.

Lydia: mommy, I love you.

Me: I love you.

Lydia: mommy, you're supposed to say "I love you TOO" when I say I love you. Let's try it again and when I say "I love you" you say "I love you too."

I love you.

Me: I love you, too.

Lydia: good job!

Today Allison handed Lydia a toy phone. Lydia put it to her ear and said, "bring me some candy, husband! Love you."

Me: do you guys know what daddy is doing?

Owen: last I saw he was fixing the bathroom ceiling.

Me: he's outside.

Owen: the bathroom ceiling is outside??

Me: ...no...

Lydia is playing with the play mobile nativity set. The shepherd is a zombie though and killed Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. Then he asked a wiseman, in a very creepy snake-like whisper, what he wanted for Christmas so he could write it down. The wiseman replied with "a lady bug, rolly-polly, and a moose!"

P.s. I do not condone the zombie massacre of the holy family.

I told Lydia that she's fired. She broke down in whiny tears and cried, "why am I fired?! I don't want to be fired all the days!!!"

Lydia, picking at her dinner: I'm full...but I won't be full if we have ice cream

Lydia: mommy, this time I peed standing up and I didn't even get my pants wet!

Alli likes to shake my tummy and say "baby wakey!" I hope this doesn't continue when the baby is born!

Me: oh man, I have bad breath.

Lydia: then you better brush your teeth! Or daddy will never want to smell you again! Or love you.

Me: why does it smell like poop?

Lydia: it doesn't. Anyways, kids don't smell what moms smells.

Lydia: is your middle name May?

Me: my middle name is Dawn.

Lydia: whose middle name is Dawn?

Me: mine...

Lydia: what?! You didn't say that!!

144th Passage

Lydia, singing a song: I love my beautiful princess, *looks up at me* not you, only this cup. 
There is a princess on a water bottle. She loves that beautiful princess, not her mother. Lol.

Speaking of Allison, Lydia said"I love her, she is so cute! Can we keep her for the whole day?"

While doing school, Morgan: I think this is the best little i I've ever made!

Of all the letters to be proud about ones penmanship...

Time for almost a whole year of funny kids quotes. 

From Sept 2014

Me: okay Lydia, what comes before 17?
Lydia: purple leaf.

This year I had William and Morgan start a journal. They write in it daily as part of school. This is what Morgan wrote today. 
"Lydia: she likes to sing. She is like a cracker throwing Pokemon. She is the weirdest person I know."

Speaking of Halloween, 
Lydia: I'm gonna be a princess! . . . Or I'm going to be a space robot.

Lydia: look, a dog feather. Can I have it?
Me: no it's yucky. I don't know what it's from. 
Lydia: It's from a dog.

Lydia: can I smell this? (Referring to David's pomade.)
Me: sure
Lydia: this smells like a dog, and that's gross!

Lydia: look a police car.
It was in a school parking lot. 
Me: yep. 
Lydia: maybe he took a kid. I think so maybe he was naughty and his mom said "do you wanna go to the police?" And he said "yeah!" And the police took him. I would not want to go to the police!

Owen: the earth is 115 years old. 
Me: actually, it's closer to 6000 years old. 
Owen: what? But it told me the earth was 115 years old!
Me: who told you? 
Owen: my brain. I closed my eyes and my brain said, "the earth is 115 years old".

Oct 2014

Me: name a scary animal. 
Morgan: lion
William: tiger
Owen: bear
Me: yeah, give me another one. 
William: a deer!

Lydia: I hope I don't spill it on your dress. 
Owen: I don't have a dress. 
Lydia: I know, I thought you were a girl.

As I'm stirring a bowl of batter, 
Lydia: is that doughnuts or not?
Me: not. 
Lydia: oh, is it hash browns?
Me: no....
Lydia: what is it?
Me: brownies.

Lydia: can I play on the iPad?
Me: no, you can do yoga with me. 
Lydia: no, I'm not going to listen to yogurt!

Mother may I in real life is super annoying.

Me: you can all watch a movie.
Morgan, William, and Lydia start watching a movie.
Owen: mommy, can I watch the movie?

Or
Me: Owen, why don't you eat your sandwich while I get your spelling words ready?
Owen: can I eat my sandwich?

Every. Day.

We have a head massager thing that Owen hates. We were playing with it with the kids and Owen was afraid I would massage his head, so he ran away from me giggling. Then his giggling stopped and he scowled at me and in a whiney voice said, "why did you make me scratch my back?!" He saw my look of amusement and incredulity and continued, "it was your fault!" Lol. Hopefully we can teach him to take responsibility for his own actions before he enters adulthood.

Morgan: I don't know anyone in our family that does not have a wrist. 
Lydia: what?! You know William and Owen!

Nov. 2014

Owen: I wish I had an animal that evolved. Like a dinosaur.

Lydia: mommy, but, I don't know if we're going to die. Because I hate dying! And we are gonna die at the Jesus place. Do we have to drive there?

No idea what she is talking about.

Dec. 2014

Owen: get your coat on, pickle head!
Morgan: I don't want my coat. 
Lydia: well, well, well, then you'll turn to ice!

Morgan: I wonder if anyone has taste buds on their toes.

Lydia: mommy I think so I don't know how to get married. 
Me: get married?
Lydia: yeah, I think so I don't know how to get married to my daddy when I grow up. 
Me: you aren't supposed to marry your daddy. You can't. 
Lydia: what?!? You did!

Jan. 2015

Lydia is telling us how she is going to have 5 kids: 6 girls and 7 boys, and there will be a mean boy, but his name won't be Owen. The other boy will protect the girls from the mean boy named a different name than Owen.

Owen: I can still make noise when I talk with my brain. 
*owen closes his mouth and starts making noise*
But it's kind of hard to hear what I say.

Owen: how do you put this on? There's not a way!
Me: there's always a way. 
Owen. Nuh-uh. There's not a way to kill a towel.

I just went into the girls room to take care of a screaming Alli. Lydia still slept, but while I was in there she fell out of her bed.
Me: are you okay?
Lydia: mommy, you know what?
Me:what?
Lydia: actually....

Then she got in bed and got comfortable and looked at me and smiled, but said no more.

William: do babies only see in black and white? 
Me: no, they see color. 
William: oh. It's just that I thought they were like dogs. 
Me: nope, they're people...

Morgan told me he isn't feeling well this morning. 
Morgan: I always know when I'm sick because my chest feels cold and blue. 
Me: how does something feel blue?
Morgan: no, COLD and blue.

Lydia: I like babies. 
Me: yeah, me too. 
Lydia: you know what? When I have babies I will give one to you. 
Me: how come?
Lydia: because maybe some boys will like it.

Lydia wanted a bandaid. 
Lydia: I think so my owieis coming out...
Me: no, you don't need a bandaid. Your belly button isn't an owie. 
Lydia: well I'm going to get one anyway! (Said with attitude). 
Me: no, Lydia, do you want to be a good girl or a naughty girl?
Lydia: well, I don't care.

Morgan was running and dancing around, ducking and side stepping through the parking lot in the rain. 
Morgan: I'm good at dodging the rain! Even though I can't see it.

Feb. 2015

Lydia was singing a song she was making up. 
Lydia: i like Alli, but sometimes her don't like me...
Me: why do you suppose that would be?
Lydia: it's just a song. It's not bad, it's a song.

Morgan: mommy, daddy, I wanna sing you a song I made up. There's some parts you probably won't like, but I don't swear or anything, so just don't be affected by it or anything.

Then he sang us a song that started with a poem by shel Silverstein and ended with him listing everyone in the entire family and using a word to describe them. For example "William is wacky" "Allison is acty" "Caseyshould be Stacey" "Christine is sinstine" ( which means sincere, he explained.) and on and on forever.

William: why do they call butts "butts"?
Morgan: to make kids laugh. 
William: if they were called "hand", kids would still laugh. 
Morgan: or if they called it "slacken"...
Both boys erupt in laughter.

Morgan: did you know that one time my senses got confused and instead hearing music I saw music? They can do that, you know.

Lydia: *gasp* I think I hear knocking! Morgan is that you? 
She pauses and listens. 
Lydia: I think it's an alien! *whimper* I don't like this house; it looks like a haunted house!

I was giving Morgan his spelling words. 
Me: hippopotamus
Morgan: h-i-pp...
Him and his brothers crack up. But he eventually finished and he spelled it right in his first try!

William is doing a little report about foxes for school. He just looked up from his reading and said, "when is the humans mating season?"

Lydia got a big ol' bloody nose yesterday, and then another one just now. 
Owen: Lydia's nose is turning into a blood monster. 
Lydia: I'M NOT A BLOOD MONSTER!!
Owen: no, your nose. 
Lydia: NO I'M NOT!

Lydia was complaining about her tummy hurting. She said "I think I need bubble gum in my tummy." And then later, "when someone's tummy hurts you're supposed to say 'you have to go poop.'"

I was straightening my hair for a date with my husband. Lydia came in and saw the layer I had clipped to the top of my head so I could straighten the layers on the bottom. 
Lydia: oh, your hair is beautiful!
Me: oh, I'm not going to leave it like this...
Lydia: yeah, because someone might laugh at you!
She was in and out if the bathroom. She came back on when my hair was all down and straight. 
Lydia: awww! Your hair isn't beautiful anymore!
At least no one will laugh at me?

Did you know that if you get an apple, light the stem on fire, then open your chest and put the apple in your chest and close your chest, you can then see in the dark? Owen told me so.

March 2015

Owen is learning about the plant cycle. He looked up from his book and said, "I didn't know fruits and vegetables were made from fabric." 
Hmm, I think you're missing something there, buddy.

Me: Owen, why would you throw your baby sister?!?
Owen, with a big smile: I thought she was a cat. 
Me: *stare at Owen with incredulity and disgust at his answer*
Owen: what? I forget!!

Lydia: mommy, guess what?
Me: what?
Lydia: I love you. 
Me: I love you, too. 
Lydia: it's a joke!

April 2015

I was brushing Lydia's hair:
Lydia: ow!
Me: there was a really big knot in your hair. 
Lydia: that's because I ate a lot of food.

Lydia: mommy, did you know that Lydia starts with balydia? And Alli starts with loudia, and you, mommy, you start with baneladie. 
Then she cracked up.

David: Yes, I realize I'm standing in the kitchen wearing nothing but my garments and a belt, eating yogurt out of the lid of a butter dish, but that's exactly what I want to be doing right now and I won't be judged by you!

Lydia: Stop!! Mommy, William is erasing me!

Allison has discovered the floor vents. One of her favorite activities is to pull up one in the living room and throw shoes and toys into it. Today while removing said items, this conversation happened:
Owen: she put a corn tortilla down here. 
Lydia: no, that was me. 
Me: you put a tortilla in the vent? Why?!
Lydia: to feed the spiders.

May 2015

Morgan: if five was a letter I think it would actually be M. For some reason I think that. Sometimes I actually read numbers.

Me: you're supposed to stay in the cul-de-sac. 
Lydia: I don't like the cold-e-sac, I only like the warm-e-sac, because the cold-e-sac is cold!

William: Morgan, we might be sitting ducks!
Morgan: what do you mean?
William: I mean this might be gross.

Huh. Not sure he quite gets the expression...

Lydia is singing a song and making it up as she goes. 
"No one will ever think I'm a bad guuuuuuy. And this is a two year old shoooooe. Because it says 5 but it's actually for a two year old giiiiiiirl."

July 2015

Owen: I was only doing one penny of my strength.

Lydia: that's boring! Mommy, Morgan was blinking a lot of times and it was boring!

Me: I wish I could be skinny. 
Lydia: what? I don't want you to be skinny! If you are skinny than you are a cat!

Owen: I can't wait until I kill a gorilla.

Aug. 2015

Owen: I'm not mean; I've never even murdered anyone.

139th Passage

I'm finally updating the quotes. There's a lot of them because they date back to March. Enjoy! Lydia is really showcased now these days. She's getting old enough to say some funny things.

Lydia came up to me in the kitchen.

Lydia: I'm too scared, mommy.

Me: scared of what?

Lydia: going into spider webs. I will die!

Lydia: I got that ball for my birthday.

Owen: your birthday? You've never had a birthday when you were with us; except your three year old birthday, and your two year old birthday.

That doesn't leave a whole lot left...

Lydia: mommy, spiders eats bug. They're yummy.

Lydia: mommy, I just like lotion. I like to lick it! It's yummy.

Me: lotion?! No, it's not yummy.

Lydia: Mmm-hmm! It's 'liscious!

The boys asked what a mule was so I was showing them a picture of one. Then Lydia came up and saw the picture and cracked up laughing and said, "it's a horse-donkey!!"

How did she know?

Lydia: I love otter pops! It's my favorite fruit.

Morgan: You know that commandment that "you shall never kill men?" Well, I was going to grow up and be a super hero, and have a cool costume with spikes all over it, but then I remembered the rule about "you shall never kill men" and so I decided I wouldn't be a super hero.

Morgan was telling me about his dream of an erupting volcano while we were camping and he said, "I looked back and thought I would see pyroclastic flow coming out, but it was just smoke."

Me: pyrocastic...?

Morgan: pyroclastic flow. It's mud stuff that comes out of a volcano.

Huh. So it is.

Owen: William, is that your zero-th page?

Through his tears William yelled, "stop saying I'm not dumb! It hurts my feelings!"

Ugh. It's not been a good morning.

Morgan: I think Satan was trying to force me to take one of those chocolate balls that were from Easter that are on the counter, because I really wanted to just take one, so I think it was Satan trying to force me to.

Lydia: knock-knock

Morgan: who's there?

Lydia: butt-kickin' bottom.

Morgan: butt-kickin' bottom who?

Lydia: Pooping in the toilet!

So much for having a delicate little girl...

Speaking of Allison,

Me: I need to change her bum.

Morgan: Change her bum? How do you change her bum? Do you have a different butt to put on her?

Now where would Morgan have learned such sarcasm??

Lydia: Morgan, after I get 4, I will get bigger, then I will make a rocket! Mommy knows how!

The real ditty: deadman, deadman, come alive, by the time we count to five. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, you're alive!

Lydia's version: deadman, deadman, come alive, for the winter out your eyes. 1,2,3,4,5, out your eyes!

William was describing something from the bathroom to me as "the angel hat thingy". I laughed when I figured out what he was talking about.

William: why aren't you smacking us?

Me: because I have self control.

William: hmm, what's that??

That explains so much...

The boys are a little bitter about Iowa existing since it means daddy has to go there for business trips.

William said he's going to destroy Iowa, them Morgan said, "when I'm an adult I'm going to go to Iowa and dig it out with a back hoe all the way to the ocean. I'm going to turn Iowa into a lake!"

We finished reading The Bridge to Terabithia today, so we watched the movie. Morgan stopped watching it early because he didn't want to see the sad part. And now he keeps saying he regrets hearing the book and seeing the movie, and even thinking about it almost makes him cry.

I heard this conversation about it.

William: after Leslie died I had to go outside sometimes so nobody would know I was crying.

Morgan: you just told everybody...

William: oh yeah!

Me: Lydia, pull the drain plug.

Lydia: I can't.

She puts both hands up and looks at her palms mournfully (think the big rock giant from The Never Ending Story)

Lydia: I have little hands.

Morgan: mommy's are called masters of the house, and daddy's are called the protectors. That's just how it is.

Lydia asked if she could watch a movie. Since she's already spent too much time today doing just that, I suggested she find something else to do. Lydia got off the couch and stomped out if the room and shouted, "I am very MAD! I want Jesus to be sad!"

Goodness gracious, child. At least she knows it makes Jesus sad when we make bad choices?

Lydia: mommy, I hurt my finger! And it didn't hurt.

William: when I grow up in going to choose to be a super hero.

Morgan: uh, the Bible and The Book of Mormon say we can't murder, and super heroes kill the bad guys.

Me: do you need to go to the bathroom since you just woke up?

Lydia: no. But grandma Nelson do. And grandpa Martin.

William just accidentally called Lydia "William". How does that happen? Lol!

Morgan has been very grouchy all morning. Lydia said:

Morgan very rude! We need to take Morgan to the policeman!

The boys were playing baseball in the front yard. They came inside all excited, with two full sized kit kats and a package of peanut butter crackers and told me a story about a bus driver giving them the treats.

Me: didn't your mother ever tell you not to take candy from strangers?

Owen: bus drivers aren't strangers.

Lydia: yeah, it's like the magic school bus!

Owen: mommy, I know something. Sometimes our tummies just faint.

David: you're eyes look like a crack cocain user. You look like you smoke aids.

William: Mommy, is the 4th of July in June?

Me: Owen, you know what I noticed about you? You keep not doing your school.

Owen: you know what I noticed about you? You're cleaning.

Uh, touché...?

David was giving the older boys some multiplication problems for fun, so Lydia asked me to give her a number. I asked, "what's 1+2?" She said, "a bad word."

Lydia's dialogue as she sits on the toilet. "Oh, that was a big poop! Ah! I don't want somebody to see me naked! I'm not naked, I'm wearing a shirt, not pants or underwears. Mimi, come on. It's all gone. Hum hum hum."

Alli was whining so I said, what's the matter? What do you want?

Lydia: I think so he wants to go camping.

Me, in a singing voice: I love my baby, yes I do...

Lydia cuts in with a very enthusiastic song and finishes up: I love your baby tooooo!

We got back from church and Owen asked the question: what is an incestor?

After some mental shock I did some quick thinking and answered. "Ancestor! Aaaann. It's your grandparents and great grandparents and their parents and on and on. Make sure you say ancestor."

Lydia just came inside and said, "mommy, also, you're my husband."

Driving down the road Lydia said, "look mommy, I see a ribbon right there!"

Me: what's a ribbon?

Lydia: a water snake.

William: mommy wanna hear something funny? I asked Morgan where Jesus was born and he was like "I don't know" and I was like "really? It's Abraham!" And Morgan didn't even know.

Me: wait, are you being serious?

William: yeah.

Me: Abraham was a prophet.

William: oh. Then where was He born?

Me: Bethlehem.

William: no, what state?

Me: he wasn't born in America. He was born in Israel. There weren't any states back then.

Making fun of Morgan sure backfired.

Me: laundry! Ugh, I hate laundry.

Lydia: you should eat laundry.

Lydia: mommy, I ate a little tiny eraser and I didn't die!

Lydia: mommy, we have bones! And we have braaiiins!

Lydia: mommy, can I have one of these? (She picks up the bottle of tums from my bed stand).

Me: no, those are for my heartburn.

Lydia: my heart is burned too.

Morgan: what's an anniversary?

William: an anniversary is when you celebrate the day you got marinated.

Me: we get to go get daddy from the airport tomorrow.

Lydia: eeeeeee!! It's going to be amazing!

Lydia: daddy's parents were married. His parents. And your parents were married too. And you're married. When I grow up, I'm going to be a husband also.

Morgan: daddy, can we get the cartoon movie of 101 damnations?

Lydia came inside from the backyard all excited.

Lydia: mommy, I peed in the grass!

Me: what? How? That's not okay, you can't do that.

Lydia: but Morgan always does it...

Owen: mommy, don't you think I'm kind of like Rafael?

Me: like Rafael?

Owen: yeah. He's mean.

Lydia: mommy, Owen's going to tell on meeee! I don't like telling.

Lydia: mommy, I always love you.

Me: I always love you, too. Know who else I always love?

Lydia: yeah.

Me: who?

Lydia: food.

Lydia: mommy remember that last time I pooped on a hippo?

Me: what?!?

Lydia: I pooped on a hippo.

Me: Lydia, you didn't poop on a hippo.

Lydia: yes I did. A live hippo.

Me: you never pooped on a live hippo, silly.

Lydia: I pooped on a live elephant.

Lydia and I were talking about the new baby coming.

Lydia: it's going to be a boy, and I'm going to call her Abby.

128th Passage

Owen and Lydia. Ah. Enemies. Friends. Don't really know what. They fight all the time, they play all the time, they don't like each other, but they're great friends.
One afternoon they were playing so well without fighting or tattling. Their common interest in bugs brought them together for the afternoon.

 They caught a bunch of slugs and stored them in the truck.

 Let's do a comparison. This is Owen at 5, a couple weeks ago, and then Owen at 3. His interests haven't changed much.

Owen and Lydia played with bugs together back then too! They look so much different in just two years!

 In this last picture Lydia is telling me about the giant spider she saw that was "this big!" Owen then said, "That's not even real, spiders don't get that big. Actually I've seen a bigger spider. A WAY bigger spider than that!"